Has the moon lost her memory? She is smiling alone.

Once again, I am facing the fact that I will soon be having to say goodbye to someone I love deeply. My great Aunt has cancer, we have known it for a while. The cancer is widespread, treatment would most likely would be of no use. She is 82 years old and has chose to not undergo any treatment. She is of sound enough mind to make this decision fully informed and is aware of the fact that she IS going to die very soon.

She spent the past year after her diagnosis at home with a nurse who came in to assist her daily with bathing and food preparation and she is now a resident in the nursing facility in which I work. I highly doubt that she will get "well" enough to go back to her little apartment in the retirement building in which she has lived for many years to die with hospice as she wishes. I do not say this to her as I do not want to shatter the one dream she has left. I have been around the elderly and those facing death long enough to recognise without being told that she has a few weeks at best before she is gone.

My "Aunt B" (as I have always called her) is the person who gave me my love for musicals, reading, and playing scrabble. She never married or had children and I guess I was kind of her surrogate child. She would come pick me up and take me to her house and we would spend hours playing scrabble, eat a lunch of sandwiches, chips and soda, and play even more scrabble. She would take me to all the musicals produced by the local high schools and theater groups. One of my dreams to this day, is to go to NYC and see a broadway play or musical. We scoured used book stores and I would spend the nigh at her apartment, both of us curled up in a chair or on the couch reading, the television was rarely on during our time together.

In Summer, we would go to a family member's farm and swim in the pond. There were corn roasts and picnics, balloon rallies and carnivals, and the occasional treat of lunch at Micky D's.
In Fall it would be going to the local cider mill for fresh pressed cider and delicious fresh backed doughnuts that were so light and airy the almost melted in your mouth. We also enjoyed yearly jaunts to a pumpkin farm, fall festivals, "haunted houses", raking and jumping in to leaves. Fall is , to this day, may favorite season. I love the smell of wood smoke wafting on the air and the crunch of leaves underfoot because of her. I still occasionally, at the age of 40, cannot resist the impulse of jumping into a big pile of leaves.

In Winter there was sled riding and the thrill and excitement of everything that Christmas brings. Carols, sled riding, snowmen, and midnight services. We always enjoyed the challenge of going to the mall and fighting the crowds to shop for presents. There was just something about exhilarating finding our favorite parking spot. It was always there, year after year. It was near a back entrance to one of the mall stores and seemed to be waiting just for us like a secret friend. I still prefer to shop this way during the holiday season.

Spring it would bring long wandering drives to nowhere, picking wild flowers from random fields, and kite flying.

I will always cherish the memories of our time together. My Aunt B has many other great nieces and nephews, but for some reason I was always her favorite. In a home were I often felt ignored or unloved, she was a great blessing to my childhood. She was my escape and my confidant.