Once again, I am facing the fact that I will soon be having to say goodbye to someone I love deeply. My great Aunt has cancer, we have known it for a while. The cancer is widespread, treatment would most likely would be of no use. She is 82 years old and has chose to not undergo any treatment. She is of sound enough mind to make this decision fully informed and is aware of the fact that she IS going to die very soon.
She spent the past year after her diagnosis at home with a nurse who came in to assist her daily with bathing and food preparation and she is now a resident in the nursing facility in which I work. I highly doubt that she will get "well" enough to go back to her little apartment in the retirement building in which she has lived for many years to die with hospice as she wishes. I do not say this to her as I do not want to shatter the one dream she has left. I have been around the elderly and those facing death long enough to recognise without being told that she has a few weeks at best before she is gone.
My "Aunt B" (as I have always called her) is the person who gave me my love for musicals, reading, and playing scrabble. She never married or had children and I guess I was kind of her surrogate child. She would come pick me up and take me to her house and we would spend hours playing scrabble, eat a lunch of sandwiches, chips and soda, and play even more scrabble. She would take me to all the musicals produced by the local high schools and theater groups. One of my dreams to this day, is to go to NYC and see a broadway play or musical. We scoured used book stores and I would spend the nigh at her apartment, both of us curled up in a chair or on the couch reading, the television was rarely on during our time together.
In Summer, we would go to a family member's farm and swim in the pond. There were corn roasts and picnics, balloon rallies and carnivals, and the occasional treat of lunch at Micky D's.
In Fall it would be going to the local cider mill for fresh pressed cider and delicious fresh backed doughnuts that were so light and airy the almost melted in your mouth. We also enjoyed yearly jaunts to a pumpkin farm, fall festivals, "haunted houses", raking and jumping in to leaves. Fall is , to this day, may favorite season. I love the smell of wood smoke wafting on the air and the crunch of leaves underfoot because of her. I still occasionally, at the age of 40, cannot resist the impulse of jumping into a big pile of leaves.
In Winter there was sled riding and the thrill and excitement of everything that Christmas brings. Carols, sled riding, snowmen, and midnight services. We always enjoyed the challenge of going to the mall and fighting the crowds to shop for presents. There was just something about exhilarating finding our favorite parking spot. It was always there, year after year. It was near a back entrance to one of the mall stores and seemed to be waiting just for us like a secret friend. I still prefer to shop this way during the holiday season.
Spring it would bring long wandering drives to nowhere, picking wild flowers from random fields, and kite flying.
I will always cherish the memories of our time together. My Aunt B has many other great nieces and nephews, but for some reason I was always her favorite. In a home were I often felt ignored or unloved, she was a great blessing to my childhood. She was my escape and my confidant.
Jan 27, 2009
Bye Bye Birdie
Saying goodbye to someone you care about is never easy. It does not mater if the parting of ways was by your choice or due to circumstances beyond your control. Whether it is a friend, a relative, or a lover there is a degree of pain that will always linger in your heart. Sometimes there is a gaping hole when that love once was, sometimes it may just be a little nick.
I have not written about this yet as I have been busy and needed to come to terms with the fact that as much as I want to,I cannot save the world and help everyone in it, no matter how much they mean to me.
Shortly before Christmas, My extended family had a small crisis. My sister-in-law (Jenna*)and her husband (*frank) wound up with temporary custody of his 4 great grandsons ages 10 months to 6 years. We (my Jenna and I) spent a lot of time going from one charity or agency to another for about 4 days in a row to get things these sweet little boys needed. I bought enough items for the boys to have a small Christmas even though I should have used it on bills. I just couldn't see 4 kids going without on a day children anticipate all year.
The children were removed from their home because of neglect. I spent additional money on lice shampoos and sprays, cough medicines, diapers, and Tylenol. I did not care, as long as the boys were happy, healthy, and safe. Jenna and Frank are a bit older than my husband and I. She has rheumatoid arthritis and he has a myriad of health issues including heart problems and caring for them was proving to be extremely difficult and detrimental to their own health. I took the boys whenever possible to give them a break, it seems I always had at least one of them in my home.
Two weeks ago, they boys went into the foster care system. Frank had been having chest pains on and off for a week and his doctor told him he was on the verge of another heart attack if he continued to care for the boys. The stress of taking in 4 little ones that young was just too much. I tried so hard to find a way to take the boys myself. I plotted, planed, and schemed. I made countless phone calls to various agencies but in the end I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I barely get by on my bills even with both my husband and I working, how was I going to afford 4 more children, three of whom were still in diapers. It would take a while to get certified for foster care and the entire time they lived with me until I was, I would not get financial help caring for them. Then there was the mater of space and where to put them. In reality, our house is too small for my family of 6 let alone adding four more into the mix. Also was the mater of my landlord allowing the extra bodies into which is essentially HIS house. I got a big fat no on that one. It is not that he is a bad landlord, he is excellent actually, it was more of a worry about fire safety and such. I scoured our local newspaper for a larger place but there was nothing available. Everything was either smaller or way out of our price range. It is impossible to pay $800 for rent on our income. Regrettably I had to say goodbye.
Up until they came to live with Jenna and Frank, I had met the oldest two boys only once. The other two I had only heard about their births. During the short time they were here, I fell in love with them. I will miss these little guys every day and I pray that wherever their lives take them they will continue to be cherished and loved as much as they deserve to be.
*Names have been changed for privacy
I have not written about this yet as I have been busy and needed to come to terms with the fact that as much as I want to,I cannot save the world and help everyone in it, no matter how much they mean to me.
Shortly before Christmas, My extended family had a small crisis. My sister-in-law (Jenna*)and her husband (*frank) wound up with temporary custody of his 4 great grandsons ages 10 months to 6 years. We (my Jenna and I) spent a lot of time going from one charity or agency to another for about 4 days in a row to get things these sweet little boys needed. I bought enough items for the boys to have a small Christmas even though I should have used it on bills. I just couldn't see 4 kids going without on a day children anticipate all year.
The children were removed from their home because of neglect. I spent additional money on lice shampoos and sprays, cough medicines, diapers, and Tylenol. I did not care, as long as the boys were happy, healthy, and safe. Jenna and Frank are a bit older than my husband and I. She has rheumatoid arthritis and he has a myriad of health issues including heart problems and caring for them was proving to be extremely difficult and detrimental to their own health. I took the boys whenever possible to give them a break, it seems I always had at least one of them in my home.
Two weeks ago, they boys went into the foster care system. Frank had been having chest pains on and off for a week and his doctor told him he was on the verge of another heart attack if he continued to care for the boys. The stress of taking in 4 little ones that young was just too much. I tried so hard to find a way to take the boys myself. I plotted, planed, and schemed. I made countless phone calls to various agencies but in the end I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I barely get by on my bills even with both my husband and I working, how was I going to afford 4 more children, three of whom were still in diapers. It would take a while to get certified for foster care and the entire time they lived with me until I was, I would not get financial help caring for them. Then there was the mater of space and where to put them. In reality, our house is too small for my family of 6 let alone adding four more into the mix. Also was the mater of my landlord allowing the extra bodies into which is essentially HIS house. I got a big fat no on that one. It is not that he is a bad landlord, he is excellent actually, it was more of a worry about fire safety and such. I scoured our local newspaper for a larger place but there was nothing available. Everything was either smaller or way out of our price range. It is impossible to pay $800 for rent on our income. Regrettably I had to say goodbye.
Up until they came to live with Jenna and Frank, I had met the oldest two boys only once. The other two I had only heard about their births. During the short time they were here, I fell in love with them. I will miss these little guys every day and I pray that wherever their lives take them they will continue to be cherished and loved as much as they deserve to be.
*Names have been changed for privacy
Jan 18, 2009
How To Tell When Your Son is Home From College
12 ways you can tell your Son is home from college even if your haven't seen him:
1. You bought 2 gallons of milk at 10pm the night before and are completely out of milk at 3pm the next day.
2. Your washer seems to be running 24hrs a day instead of the usual 20.
3. That brand new bottle of laundry soap you bought a week ago is empty already.
4. You go to take a shower and when you turn the water on you get sprayed in the head EVERY time.
5. All 5 boxes of cereal only have enough left in them for a mouse.
6. All your mixing bowls are dirty and you haven't cooked or baked in a week because you have been at work. The mixing bowls also have various dried up pieces of cereal in them.
7. When you open the refrigerator to get a drink and think "I know I had a two full bottles of juice in here two days ago!"
8. You go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in AGAIN!
9. There is no toilet paper on the toilet paper dispenser.
10. The gas hand in your car is on E constantly.
11. You find Burger king bags in your car and haven't ate fast food in a month.
12. You find THIS in your computer chair:
Jan 9, 2009
Vacation!
A friend of mine posted a blog asking where you would go if you had a 2 week paid vacation and why would you go there. My first choice would be to spend a week in Ireland. I have always wanted to go from the time I knew it existed. It just seems like a beautiful and magical country. I would love to explore the old castles, visit some genuine Irish pubs, and listen to the tales of the locals. Perhaps I could even catch me a leprechaun!
The second week is kind of hard to decide. I would either chose a Disney/Universal studios trip or a road trip to Williamsburg and Gettysburg. Our family went to Disney for my oldest daughter's make a wish trip and we had a wonderful time, I would love to experience that again with my children. My husband and I spent a day at Gettysburg with my sister when we took my mother down to visit her in Maryland. It was so interesting. I think it would be lots of fun to take the kids and spend more time there. I want to do the whole nine yards, from touring all the battlefields to taking the ghost tour. I believe Andrew would really enjoy seeing all the old cannons and statues. My sister has been to Williamsburg and says it is just as beautiful. Something about the history of both Gettysburg and Williamsburg just seem to call to me.
Jan 8, 2009
pregnancy tests go high tech.
Found this interesting little item on thinkgeek.com and had to share. No I am NOT pregnant or thinking I am (Thank heavens) just thought it was amusing. This item should be extremly useful to all those on a couple of social sites where I have seen a lot of "could I be pregnant?" questions and giving a list of symptoms. If you actually want to purchase this little gem, here is the link: http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuff/41/pteq.html
Carbon-Based Lifeforms Detected
One line or two. Yes or no. Pregnancy tests are binary by their very nature. So when we found p-Teq's USB Pregnancy Test Kit that's chock full of extra scientific information, we knew we had to get this geeky goodness to our potentially spawning fans.
The process starts off like most pregnancy tests. You pee on a stick, specifically the absorbent test strip at one end. But everything's different after that first step. Remove the cap from the other end of the stick (cleverly provided to keep you from accidentally contaminating the wrong end) to reveal the USB connector. Pop it in your computer. The power from your USB port starts the electrospray ionization process, creating a spectrograph of the various masses for your analysis. Get it? Your analysis? Urinalysis? *rimshot* Moving on.
You don't actually get to see the spectrograph yourself. The mass analysis happens inside the device. And p-Teq's device only analyzes for specific chemical makeups, so you don't have to worry about this thing busting you for that "poppy seed bagel" you had yesterday. The mass spectrometry software on the device comes with several sequenced hormones, including hCG (human Chorionic Gonadotropin), hCG-H (hyperglycosylated hCG - for detection before your first missed period), and LH (luteinizing hormone - for detection of your most fertile days). We like the fact that it does all three. After all, if you're not pregnant and you wanna be, you need to know if now's the time to be gettin' it on.
While most home tests can detect a level of 15-50 mIU/mL of hCG, the enhanced methodology of the USB Pregnancy Test Kit can detect 5-50 mIU/mL, and will show you the exact concentration via its friendly onscreen interface. In addition, the LCD display on the device itself will light up and show you the symbol of a baby, no baby, or multiples and your Estimated Delivery Date based on the concentration of hCG, hCG-H, and LH in your urine. So you can clear your calendar in advance.
After you're done reviewing your test results, just pop the device out of your computer and change the test strip. The display will remain lit for five minutes and then automatically power off. Note: We recommend the use of horizontal USB drives for this product to prevent accidental moisture transference.
No batteries required - draws power from USB
USB 2.0 compatible
Plug and play, easy operation
Operating Systems: Win 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, Linux 2.4 or higher, Mac OS 8.6 or higher
20 test strips included
99% accuracy*
* 99% accurate in detecting hCG, hCG-H and LH. However, these hormones do not necessarily indicate pregnancy or ovulation, respectively. Extenuating circumstances can affect levels of these hormones in your body.
What will they think of next?
Dec 29, 2008
Does you husband yell and swear at you? Call you names? Hit you?
I found this post on another website and found it important enough to share here. I, like the OP was a victim of abuse at one time in my life and know that everything the OP says is the truth:
If you're reading this then either my title caught your attention or maybe it's because you're one of the many women here on this website (and so many others) who faces varying degrees of abuse every day here in the US and abroad.
If you're the former, you're welcome to read and comment...this is a topic near to my heart and is VERY important. The reason I'm writing to you today is because I'm the daughter of an abused mother and ... I'm also a victim of abuse so, I have some opinions on this topic and some perspective I'd like to share with you.
I want you to ask yourself this today and every day here after ... not for yourself, but for your children who you love so much. If you read NOTHING else in my letter please dedicate these questions to memory:
1. Is my husband, with all his faults, the sort of man I want my son to be like when he grows up? Would I really be okay with him growing into a man who treats others the way my husband treats me (and god forbid, if he's abusing the children too, how he treats them.)
2. Am I the sort of woman I want my daughter to grow into? If I make excuses for my abuser's actions, would I really be okay seeing my daughter treated as I am treated by my husband every day, by some other woman's son?
Too often women will endure emotional, mental, and physical abuse for a laundry list of reasons and never leave their abusers because they are confident that their husband "would never hurt the children."
Maybe you're one of those moms; so afraid of being alone or of all the difficulties you'd face on your own, that you would rather endure your abuser's actions ... "so long as he never hurts the kids."
If this sounds like you... if it could be you in time if things get worse... PLEASE heed my advice: Your son IS hurt by this man if even if he never says a bad word to your boy or lays a finger on him... he's hurt because he's smart enough to see what's going on even if you're hiding it somehow. He's learning what a man is from the most important man in his & your life. Your son, no matter how kind and smart he is, will remember YOUR most important lesson to him... how a woman should be with him... how she should accept being treated. Are you his role-model's equal? Are you his role-model best friend? If you're not these things, consider for a moment how your son views the dynamics between you and the man in your life. Your son will remember what to expect of women by watching you... and how to treat them by watching him.
As for your daughters, the man in their lives is very important... take it from a girl who grew up in an abusive home and went on her own way saying "I'll never be in relationships like that" and then did just that... all through college and who asked myself "how did I end up with a guy like this?" Because it sure as heck wasn't what I was looking to be with.
If you're sitting there at your computer thinking "you can't help who you love" (one of my own mother's favorite things to say in justification of why we couldn't leave) then imagine how much it will rip your heart out to hear your beautiful little girl say those same words to you one day... and worse that she will believe them. Your daughter learns what is acceptable for a man to be like from him... and she learns what is alright to endure from a man, from you.
Your children DO learn from your actions just as much as by your words and while not every child grows to be a clone of their parent's good actions and bad ones... many do. Please, stop the cycle of abusers and the abused. Take a long hard look at your life TODAY (don't wait) and ask yourself the questions above... then make a choice about what sort of life example you want to set for your children not as a loving wife, or a scared woman, but as a Mother who would give ANYTHING for your children. You may not fear that the man in your life will kill you or your children but the choice you make today may shape who they are in years to come.
This is your chance. Can you... would you REALLY give ANYTHING for your children as we mothers always say we can/would do if need be? If you're living in an abusive relationship, it might feel like you are being asked in this letter to do just that... to give your world up. I am sorry for your pain, truly I am, but today is the day you prove those words about your love for your children to be true *AND* I promise that once you've left, in time (may not today or tomorrow but soon) you'll come to see you didn't give up anything at all... you welcomed the chance for new and better happiness and have given a gift to your children better than ANYTHING money can ever buy this holiday season.
Have courage, YOU CAN DO THIS ... if you need a friend to encourage you then please, drop me any number of women here a line. So many of us would be happy to send some positive vibes/prayers/friendly words your way and be an ear to those in need. YOU'RE NOT ALONE. Just remember, you're not leaving a man who might love you the way you want one day... you're leaving for the children you know will never stop.
May God Bless & Keep All of You,
-Dee
Please... protect your babies. End the cycle of abuse.
Thanks for reading... here's some more information that might help
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Family Violence Prevention Fund
Locate a woman's shelter on-line
If you're reading this then either my title caught your attention or maybe it's because you're one of the many women here on this website (and so many others) who faces varying degrees of abuse every day here in the US and abroad.
If you're the former, you're welcome to read and comment...this is a topic near to my heart and is VERY important. The reason I'm writing to you today is because I'm the daughter of an abused mother and ... I'm also a victim of abuse so, I have some opinions on this topic and some perspective I'd like to share with you.
I want you to ask yourself this today and every day here after ... not for yourself, but for your children who you love so much. If you read NOTHING else in my letter please dedicate these questions to memory:
1. Is my husband, with all his faults, the sort of man I want my son to be like when he grows up? Would I really be okay with him growing into a man who treats others the way my husband treats me (and god forbid, if he's abusing the children too, how he treats them.)
2. Am I the sort of woman I want my daughter to grow into? If I make excuses for my abuser's actions, would I really be okay seeing my daughter treated as I am treated by my husband every day, by some other woman's son?
Too often women will endure emotional, mental, and physical abuse for a laundry list of reasons and never leave their abusers because they are confident that their husband "would never hurt the children."
Maybe you're one of those moms; so afraid of being alone or of all the difficulties you'd face on your own, that you would rather endure your abuser's actions ... "so long as he never hurts the kids."
If this sounds like you... if it could be you in time if things get worse... PLEASE heed my advice: Your son IS hurt by this man if even if he never says a bad word to your boy or lays a finger on him... he's hurt because he's smart enough to see what's going on even if you're hiding it somehow. He's learning what a man is from the most important man in his & your life. Your son, no matter how kind and smart he is, will remember YOUR most important lesson to him... how a woman should be with him... how she should accept being treated. Are you his role-model's equal? Are you his role-model best friend? If you're not these things, consider for a moment how your son views the dynamics between you and the man in your life. Your son will remember what to expect of women by watching you... and how to treat them by watching him.
As for your daughters, the man in their lives is very important... take it from a girl who grew up in an abusive home and went on her own way saying "I'll never be in relationships like that" and then did just that... all through college and who asked myself "how did I end up with a guy like this?" Because it sure as heck wasn't what I was looking to be with.
If you're sitting there at your computer thinking "you can't help who you love" (one of my own mother's favorite things to say in justification of why we couldn't leave) then imagine how much it will rip your heart out to hear your beautiful little girl say those same words to you one day... and worse that she will believe them. Your daughter learns what is acceptable for a man to be like from him... and she learns what is alright to endure from a man, from you.
Your children DO learn from your actions just as much as by your words and while not every child grows to be a clone of their parent's good actions and bad ones... many do. Please, stop the cycle of abusers and the abused. Take a long hard look at your life TODAY (don't wait) and ask yourself the questions above... then make a choice about what sort of life example you want to set for your children not as a loving wife, or a scared woman, but as a Mother who would give ANYTHING for your children. You may not fear that the man in your life will kill you or your children but the choice you make today may shape who they are in years to come.
This is your chance. Can you... would you REALLY give ANYTHING for your children as we mothers always say we can/would do if need be? If you're living in an abusive relationship, it might feel like you are being asked in this letter to do just that... to give your world up. I am sorry for your pain, truly I am, but today is the day you prove those words about your love for your children to be true *AND* I promise that once you've left, in time (may not today or tomorrow but soon) you'll come to see you didn't give up anything at all... you welcomed the chance for new and better happiness and have given a gift to your children better than ANYTHING money can ever buy this holiday season.
Have courage, YOU CAN DO THIS ... if you need a friend to encourage you then please, drop me any number of women here a line. So many of us would be happy to send some positive vibes/prayers/friendly words your way and be an ear to those in need. YOU'RE NOT ALONE. Just remember, you're not leaving a man who might love you the way you want one day... you're leaving for the children you know will never stop.
May God Bless & Keep All of You,
-Dee
Please... protect your babies. End the cycle of abuse.
Thanks for reading... here's some more information that might help
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Family Violence Prevention Fund
Locate a woman's shelter on-line
Dec 25, 2008
A different Christmas poem
This poem was not written by me so i will not be posting it on my poetry blog, but it does send a powerfull message out for us parents with a child on the spectrum.
Twas the Night Before ChristmasAnd all through the house The creatures were stirring Yes, even the mouse! We tried melatonin And gave a hot bath But the holiday jitters They always distract! The children were finallyAll nestled in bed When nightmares of terror Ran through my OWN head Did I get the right gift The right color And style Would there be a tantrum Or even, maybe, a smile? Our relatives come But they don’t understand The pleasure he gets Just from flapping his hands.
"He needs discipline," they say "Just a well-needed smack, You must learn to parent.." And on goes the attack We smile and nod Because we know deep inside The argument is moot Let them all take a side We know what it’s likeTo live with the spectrum The struggles and triumphs Achievements, regressions….
But what they don’t know And what they don’t see Is the joy that we feel Over simplicity He said "hello" He ate something green! He told his first lie! He did not cause a scene! He peed on the potty Who cares if he’s ten, He stopped saying the same thing Again and again! Others don’t realize Just how we can cope How we bravely hang on At the end of our rope But what they don’t see Is the joy we can’t hide When our children with autism Make the tiniest stride We may look at others Without the problems we face With jealousy, hatred Or even distaste, But what they don’t know Nor sometimes do we Is that children with autism Bring simplicity.
We don’t get excited Over expensive things We jump for joy With the progress work brings Children with autism Try hard every day That they make us proud More than words can say.
They work even harder Than you or I To achieve something small To reach a star in the sky So to those who don’t get it Or can’t get a clue Take a walk in my shoes And I’ll assure you… That even 10 minutes Into the walk You’ll look at me With respect, even shock.
You will realize What it is I go through And the next time you judge I can assure you That you won’t say a thing You’ll be quiet and learn, Like the years that I did
Twas the Night Before ChristmasAnd all through the house The creatures were stirring Yes, even the mouse! We tried melatonin And gave a hot bath But the holiday jitters They always distract! The children were finallyAll nestled in bed When nightmares of terror Ran through my OWN head Did I get the right gift The right color And style Would there be a tantrum Or even, maybe, a smile? Our relatives come But they don’t understand The pleasure he gets Just from flapping his hands.
"He needs discipline," they say "Just a well-needed smack, You must learn to parent.." And on goes the attack We smile and nod Because we know deep inside The argument is moot Let them all take a side We know what it’s likeTo live with the spectrum The struggles and triumphs Achievements, regressions….
But what they don’t know And what they don’t see Is the joy that we feel Over simplicity He said "hello" He ate something green! He told his first lie! He did not cause a scene! He peed on the potty Who cares if he’s ten, He stopped saying the same thing Again and again! Others don’t realize Just how we can cope How we bravely hang on At the end of our rope But what they don’t see Is the joy we can’t hide When our children with autism Make the tiniest stride We may look at others Without the problems we face With jealousy, hatred Or even distaste, But what they don’t know Nor sometimes do we Is that children with autism Bring simplicity.
We don’t get excited Over expensive things We jump for joy With the progress work brings Children with autism Try hard every day That they make us proud More than words can say.
They work even harder Than you or I To achieve something small To reach a star in the sky So to those who don’t get it Or can’t get a clue Take a walk in my shoes And I’ll assure you… That even 10 minutes Into the walk You’ll look at me With respect, even shock.
You will realize What it is I go through And the next time you judge I can assure you That you won’t say a thing You’ll be quiet and learn, Like the years that I did
Dec 21, 2008
Acknowleding those in the service industry
During this holiday season, many of you acknowledge those in the service industry by giving them a small gift or card and I am SURE that acknowledgment is greatly appreciated. From the mail carrier who trudges through all sorts of weather, the doorman that works at your building, the mechanic that fixes your car, the bag boy who carries your groceries (yes, they DO still exist). The majority of them work hard to please you, and like to know that their efforts to do so have not gone unnoticed.
But what of those who go unnoticed? I work in one of "those" service industries. What do I do? I am a housekeeper in a nursing home. Every year at this time the resident wings are flooded with fruit baskets, cookies, flowers, poinsettias, and many other little treats from doctors, pharmacies, and family members to thank the nurses and aides that care for the residents that live there. That's good, they deserve it. They work hard and strive to do their best to make each resident safe, comfortable, and well cared for. They lend an ear to the lonely, comfort the sad, and ease the pain of the hurting.
That leads me to the four positions that are taken for granted where I work, those being kitchen, maintenance, laundry, and of course housekeeping.
Every day the kitchen staff provides 3 well balanced meals for somebody's loved on to eat. They make snacks for the residents and cater all the facility parties. They make each resident a special meal on their birthday.
The maintenance staff make sure that there is heat and hot water, the walkways and parking lot are free of hazards, the lawn is mowed, and fix things that break in a timely manor.
Laundry washes your loved one's clothing, sheets, and blankets. The make sure there are clean towels and wash clothes for showers, baths, and routine care.
Now for my position...housekeeping. Wanna know what we do every day? I'll tell you exactly what we do.
Day shift - (in an 8 hr period)
Clean 22 residents bedrooms and bathrooms EVERY day.
Clean the shower room which consists of 2 walk in tubs, a shower, a toilet and 2 sinks.
Clean the nurse's station and bathroom - each wing has one
Clean the mini kitchen on the wing
Clean the wing dining room both after breakfast and lunch.
Check all toilet paper, soap, purell, and paper towel dispensers and refill them as needed
Sweep and mop the clean soil, resident storage, lift, and nurse's storage rooms as needed.
Vacuum entire wing at least three times a week
Clean up any spills or extra messes when paged.
But what of those who go unnoticed? I work in one of "those" service industries. What do I do? I am a housekeeper in a nursing home. Every year at this time the resident wings are flooded with fruit baskets, cookies, flowers, poinsettias, and many other little treats from doctors, pharmacies, and family members to thank the nurses and aides that care for the residents that live there. That's good, they deserve it. They work hard and strive to do their best to make each resident safe, comfortable, and well cared for. They lend an ear to the lonely, comfort the sad, and ease the pain of the hurting.
That leads me to the four positions that are taken for granted where I work, those being kitchen, maintenance, laundry, and of course housekeeping.
Every day the kitchen staff provides 3 well balanced meals for somebody's loved on to eat. They make snacks for the residents and cater all the facility parties. They make each resident a special meal on their birthday.
The maintenance staff make sure that there is heat and hot water, the walkways and parking lot are free of hazards, the lawn is mowed, and fix things that break in a timely manor.
Laundry washes your loved one's clothing, sheets, and blankets. The make sure there are clean towels and wash clothes for showers, baths, and routine care.
Now for my position...housekeeping. Wanna know what we do every day? I'll tell you exactly what we do.
Day shift - (in an 8 hr period)
Clean 22 residents bedrooms and bathrooms EVERY day.
Clean the shower room which consists of 2 walk in tubs, a shower, a toilet and 2 sinks.
Clean the nurse's station and bathroom - each wing has one
Clean the mini kitchen on the wing
Clean the wing dining room both after breakfast and lunch.
Check all toilet paper, soap, purell, and paper towel dispensers and refill them as needed
Sweep and mop the clean soil, resident storage, lift, and nurse's storage rooms as needed.
Vacuum entire wing at least three times a week
Clean up any spills or extra messes when paged.
Evening shift - (a 6 hr shift)
Empty garbage and vacuum 21 offices
Clean 7 bathrooms
Clean the dentist/podiatrist treatment room, exam room, activities, PT and OT
Vacuum the lobby, halls, and rugs by the entrances.
Sweep and mop entrance and back hall that leads to the service area
Clean the dining rooms on each wing after dinner, The main resident dining area, the staff lounge, and the atrium
Dust vents, ceiling fans, door casings, and light fixtures as needed
Collect the garbage from all wings, offices, dining rooms and lobby into one large cart and take them to the garbage bin. This includes 3 outside garbage cans, even when it IS only 10 degrees fahrenheit out.
Answer all calls to clean spills, "acidents", and incedences of residents vomiting on floors/carpeting
Check and fill all soap, toilet paper, purell, and paper towel dispensers.
While doing all this, we also find time to quickly lend an ear and dispense a hug when needed. We offer warm greetings and smile to all we come across.
What do we receive in return? NOTHING! No goodies or flowers, no cards or even a thank you. Did you honestly think this stuff just magically did itself? If it were not for us four departments, you loved ones would not be getting the wonderful care they are receiving. They would not be getting meals and snacks, their wheel chairs oiled, laundry washed and have a clean bed to sleep in.
Please, if you have a loved one living in a residential care facility, take time to acknowledge the hard work of those behind the scenes. We don't necessarily want all the goodies, though they would be nice, a simple thank you, a card, or I appreciate how hard you work could just make our day!
Dec 20, 2008
Dear Santa
I actually got my digital Camera to work for a bit tonight. here are videos my kids made for "Santa" on another web site. We had a lot of fun doing this. I wish Michael were home to do this too, it would have been interesting what my college boy had to say.
You can't really hear Andrew to well, he speaks really low when he is nervous. He is asking for a Ben 10 video game, a paint ball gun (no way!), a remote controll car, and "some other stuff" LOL
At least he will be getting"some other stuff" gotta love matchbox cars, they are so cheap!
You can't really hear Andrew to well, he speaks really low when he is nervous. He is asking for a Ben 10 video game, a paint ball gun (no way!), a remote controll car, and "some other stuff" LOL
At least he will be getting"some other stuff" gotta love matchbox cars, they are so cheap!
Casey is going to be a bit disappointed I think, but she will be getting the warm Jammies she asked for:
By golly! I was actually able to get the jammies AND nail polish! I wish I could have gotten the other stuff but you know how it is: This girl cracks me up, I wonder if it is the brain tumor that makes her so err..........unique or is she just naturally this way?
This child loves shoes and handbags.......I think I know someone else addicted to handbags...I wonder who it could be? LOLDec 18, 2008
movin on up
I have started a new blog spot for my poetry only. I have allready placed all previously written poems there. you can find it at:
http://ladysaphiraspoetry.blogspot.com/
http://ladysaphiraspoetry.blogspot.com/
Youve come a long way baby...or have you?
I wrote the following analogy a little less than a year ago, I like to think I have come a long way from where I was then, but there are still a lot that hits home still. I see some posative changes but there are changes yet to be made.
RED TILE FLOOR (Jan. 2008)
(Those of you who live in snowy states, or have lived in one, will probably understand better where I am coming from on this.)
My life is like a red tile floor in the lobby of a public building, in the middle of winter. I sweep and mop and scrub the floor. I place the wet floor signs precisely, where they can be seen by all who approach, no mater what direction they come from. I remove the traces of mud, salt and sand. The floor gleams and shines in it's wet, clean glory. The fresh smell makes me smile, I have done a good job.
Then it happens. In comes Oblivious and with him, his little dog, ignorance. Oblivious pays no attention to his surroundings, does not see the signs of warning although he does wipe his shoes on the mat carefully placed at the entrance before invading my domain. Ignorance trots in beside him, in his little doggy glee, leaving tiny little paws prints that will be easily erased if given just 2 minutes of time. If only Oblivious had thought to carry Ignorance in, no marks would yet be there. They do not do much damage, and will leave no trace of having been there if I am just given 2 minutes. Alas, it is not meant to be.......
Here comes apologetic from the other direction, she must trod on my floor to get where she needs to be, a problem that I do not have if it is quick and she leave no evidence of having been there. But, she is carrying with her, an overfull cup of coffee and in her rush to carry on with the aspects of life that are important to her, coffee slips over the rim of her cup, further marring the pristine shine I strive so hard to create. she offers numerous "I'm sorrys", as she hurries on her way, but does not offer to help remove the splatters she has left behind.
Next comes Indifference, she sees the signs but does not care about their warning. She is much more important then a fresh clean floor. She does not care that I have strive to attain a new start, that I have erased all that had marred my floor and had turned it to a dull grey nothingness the color of slate. Her only target is to reach the exit, and release herself from the prison that she has created for herself. As she leaves she drops crumbs of her nourishment but does not care. Her goal is achieved and she leaves with a blast of cold air in her wake, swirling leaves and and dirt settle on the floor as the door closes behind her.
I sigh loudly and think to my self "OK this is not good, my floor is no longer clean, but I can still fix this. It will take a bit of work but I can do it" But no, it is apparently not meant to be.....
"Well hello! Disdain Superior Snootiness" I say with a smile as she enters. She turns up her nose at me and looks the other way as she strides past. She stomps her feet purposely the entire way across my once pristine floor. Snow, sand, salt and dirt are left scattered in pile along her trail, spraying in all directions. She drops the candy wrappings from her sweet life and she mutters just loud enough to make sure I can hear about how disgusting my floor is and how I will never have it shine no mater how hard I try. She criticizes my efforts, and refuses to acknowledge my humanness. She is perfection, she is the queen, she has not faults, because SHE believes it true. No one will ever be as wonderful as she, no one will ever come close to it. Especially not me.
My once immaculate floor is now littered with the leavings of passersby, It has returned to the dull grey slab that it began as. I no longer have the energy to start again, so I sink to the floor and cry.
RED TILE FLOOR (Jan. 2008)
(Those of you who live in snowy states, or have lived in one, will probably understand better where I am coming from on this.)
My life is like a red tile floor in the lobby of a public building, in the middle of winter. I sweep and mop and scrub the floor. I place the wet floor signs precisely, where they can be seen by all who approach, no mater what direction they come from. I remove the traces of mud, salt and sand. The floor gleams and shines in it's wet, clean glory. The fresh smell makes me smile, I have done a good job.
Then it happens. In comes Oblivious and with him, his little dog, ignorance. Oblivious pays no attention to his surroundings, does not see the signs of warning although he does wipe his shoes on the mat carefully placed at the entrance before invading my domain. Ignorance trots in beside him, in his little doggy glee, leaving tiny little paws prints that will be easily erased if given just 2 minutes of time. If only Oblivious had thought to carry Ignorance in, no marks would yet be there. They do not do much damage, and will leave no trace of having been there if I am just given 2 minutes. Alas, it is not meant to be.......
Here comes apologetic from the other direction, she must trod on my floor to get where she needs to be, a problem that I do not have if it is quick and she leave no evidence of having been there. But, she is carrying with her, an overfull cup of coffee and in her rush to carry on with the aspects of life that are important to her, coffee slips over the rim of her cup, further marring the pristine shine I strive so hard to create. she offers numerous "I'm sorrys", as she hurries on her way, but does not offer to help remove the splatters she has left behind.
Next comes Indifference, she sees the signs but does not care about their warning. She is much more important then a fresh clean floor. She does not care that I have strive to attain a new start, that I have erased all that had marred my floor and had turned it to a dull grey nothingness the color of slate. Her only target is to reach the exit, and release herself from the prison that she has created for herself. As she leaves she drops crumbs of her nourishment but does not care. Her goal is achieved and she leaves with a blast of cold air in her wake, swirling leaves and and dirt settle on the floor as the door closes behind her.
I sigh loudly and think to my self "OK this is not good, my floor is no longer clean, but I can still fix this. It will take a bit of work but I can do it" But no, it is apparently not meant to be.....
"Well hello! Disdain Superior Snootiness" I say with a smile as she enters. She turns up her nose at me and looks the other way as she strides past. She stomps her feet purposely the entire way across my once pristine floor. Snow, sand, salt and dirt are left scattered in pile along her trail, spraying in all directions. She drops the candy wrappings from her sweet life and she mutters just loud enough to make sure I can hear about how disgusting my floor is and how I will never have it shine no mater how hard I try. She criticizes my efforts, and refuses to acknowledge my humanness. She is perfection, she is the queen, she has not faults, because SHE believes it true. No one will ever be as wonderful as she, no one will ever come close to it. Especially not me.
My once immaculate floor is now littered with the leavings of passersby, It has returned to the dull grey slab that it began as. I no longer have the energy to start again, so I sink to the floor and cry.
Dec 17, 2008
a venting, reflecting, and whever it leads post.
I t one of those days full of conflicting feelings. I have not posted in a long time, I have been dealing with some depression and just haven't had the energy to do it. first I'll vent, maybe I'll feel better lol.
I am a low man on the totem pole at work, there is only 2 employees in my department that has less time in than me. I have had to work evenings for a little over a year now and it isn't exactly fun. I don't get to spend as much time with my kids as I would like, during the week I see them for one hour every morning and then I am busy getting Roo ready for school and rushing him and his sisters out the door. I leave before they get home from school and by the time I get home Roo is usually in bed and the girls go to bed an hr later (sometimes they go to bed before I get home). I am down to 3 sets of scrubs, all of them at least 7 years old and look it but I just don't have the budget to buy more. I put in a request at work for either Christmas eve OR Christmas day off. I did not want to have to fix Christmas dinner then have to rush off to work right after. My request was granted, I am going to have Christmas Eve of but...in order to have it I have to work the next 7 days in a row. I don't mind working, honestly I would go nuts if I was a SAHM, even if we could afford it but 7 days?!! Oh well, I will just suck it up and do what I have to do, and dream of all the fun I am going to have spending an entire day with the heathens. I am still waiting to hear from my son Michael, it is hard sometimes having him away at college . I am so proud of the young man he has become though.
Whenever I get in one of these moods, I try to reflect on what I should be grateful for and usually pull myself out of it. So today I am grateful for: 4 little guys who have a warm house, and loving people to care for them. I am grateful that I have a roof over my head, even if it isn't the roof I always dreamed of having. It's only 2 more months till we can get our taxes back and I can get my car fixed. My family and friend that are there for me when I need them for support and encouragement.
Michael, is finishing up his 3rd semester at Buffalo State College. Thank God for grants and loans so that he could have the opportunity to provide himself with a secure future. He wants to go to AU for graduate school, I am dreading the day he goes that far away from me but know that he will make a great psychiatrist and support whatever helps him achieve his goal.
Adrienne (oldest DD)is doing well, she has had a few episodes that scared us but turned out to be nothing major. Next month we have to drive out to Buffalo on the 10th to get her regular MRI and then again on the 21st for her appointment at brain tumor clinic. Hopefully they will not find any growth again and she can continue to avoid radiation. (please pray if you do, if not send good JuJu or whatever).
Cassandra continues to do well in school, She is in 10th grade 12.1.1 classes with integration in science. She is learning how to do basic Algebra and so proud of the 100s she brings home. I am very proud of her too of course, despite her LD she strives to do her best and it shows. at the begining of the school year she received and Academic Letter for getting a 90% average in all her classes last year. She also attended a special recognition breakfast.
Andrew (Roo) is still my wild crazy little devil/angel boy. He has been integrated into regular 4th grade classes for history and science with a consultant teacher. He has Finlay learned to read some basic words, I am so proud of him! He is still getting OT for his SPD and ASD. He is on new meds for his ADHD (they are working great). I am still choosing not to medicate for his mild anxiety, I hate the idea of shoving more pills down his throat unless absolutely necessary and I can usually deal with his anxiety issues fairly quickly.
I leave you with some of my favorite quotes:
"Life is not about weathering the storm, it is about learning to dance in the rain."
" You can live without love, but without love you cannot have life." -William Emmet Gardner (my grandfather, a very wise man)
"Mom I'm a man now, I can take the heat" -Andrew 11 yrs old(after begging some Hot tamale candy from me and being warned that the were hot) This child never fails to make me laugh.
I am a low man on the totem pole at work, there is only 2 employees in my department that has less time in than me. I have had to work evenings for a little over a year now and it isn't exactly fun. I don't get to spend as much time with my kids as I would like, during the week I see them for one hour every morning and then I am busy getting Roo ready for school and rushing him and his sisters out the door. I leave before they get home from school and by the time I get home Roo is usually in bed and the girls go to bed an hr later (sometimes they go to bed before I get home). I am down to 3 sets of scrubs, all of them at least 7 years old and look it but I just don't have the budget to buy more. I put in a request at work for either Christmas eve OR Christmas day off. I did not want to have to fix Christmas dinner then have to rush off to work right after. My request was granted, I am going to have Christmas Eve of but...in order to have it I have to work the next 7 days in a row. I don't mind working, honestly I would go nuts if I was a SAHM, even if we could afford it but 7 days?!! Oh well, I will just suck it up and do what I have to do, and dream of all the fun I am going to have spending an entire day with the heathens. I am still waiting to hear from my son Michael, it is hard sometimes having him away at college . I am so proud of the young man he has become though.
Whenever I get in one of these moods, I try to reflect on what I should be grateful for and usually pull myself out of it. So today I am grateful for: 4 little guys who have a warm house, and loving people to care for them. I am grateful that I have a roof over my head, even if it isn't the roof I always dreamed of having. It's only 2 more months till we can get our taxes back and I can get my car fixed. My family and friend that are there for me when I need them for support and encouragement.
Michael, is finishing up his 3rd semester at Buffalo State College. Thank God for grants and loans so that he could have the opportunity to provide himself with a secure future. He wants to go to AU for graduate school, I am dreading the day he goes that far away from me but know that he will make a great psychiatrist and support whatever helps him achieve his goal.
Adrienne (oldest DD)is doing well, she has had a few episodes that scared us but turned out to be nothing major. Next month we have to drive out to Buffalo on the 10th to get her regular MRI and then again on the 21st for her appointment at brain tumor clinic. Hopefully they will not find any growth again and she can continue to avoid radiation. (please pray if you do, if not send good JuJu or whatever).
Cassandra continues to do well in school, She is in 10th grade 12.1.1 classes with integration in science. She is learning how to do basic Algebra and so proud of the 100s she brings home. I am very proud of her too of course, despite her LD she strives to do her best and it shows. at the begining of the school year she received and Academic Letter for getting a 90% average in all her classes last year. She also attended a special recognition breakfast.
Andrew (Roo) is still my wild crazy little devil/angel boy. He has been integrated into regular 4th grade classes for history and science with a consultant teacher. He has Finlay learned to read some basic words, I am so proud of him! He is still getting OT for his SPD and ASD. He is on new meds for his ADHD (they are working great). I am still choosing not to medicate for his mild anxiety, I hate the idea of shoving more pills down his throat unless absolutely necessary and I can usually deal with his anxiety issues fairly quickly.
I leave you with some of my favorite quotes:
"Life is not about weathering the storm, it is about learning to dance in the rain."
" You can live without love, but without love you cannot have life." -William Emmet Gardner (my grandfather, a very wise man)
"Mom I'm a man now, I can take the heat" -Andrew 11 yrs old(after begging some Hot tamale candy from me and being warned that the were hot) This child never fails to make me laugh.
Dec 13, 2008
Now THIS just pisses me off!
As the mother of a male child on the autism spectrum, I am completely infuriated with the audacity of this group. How DARE they imply, that just because my son has a specific disability, he is more likely to rape a woman than any other male? It is completely frigging ridiculous!
They claim not to be a hate group but that is what they are spreading....hate, intolerance, and fear. I cannot begin to explain the feelings that are running through me at the discovery that this group exists...revulsion,anger, incredulity,shock.......
Who in their right mind would even think for a NANOSECOND that spreading this kids of BS was acceptable? It rates right up there with every other hate group out there, Skin heads, gay bashers, Neo Nazis, the KKK...none of them have the right to target a specific group of people and treat them like dirt. Not every gay person is out to infect the world with AIDS or their "gayness" . Not every African-American, Asian, or Hispanic person is out to take over our country, steal our jobs, or what have ya. (I have heard some really stupid things). And guess what? NOT EVERY AUTISTIC MALE IS GOING TO RAPE A WOMAN JUST BECAUSE SHE SAYS NO!
Yes, SOME autistic persons can be violent but not ALL of them are. Some of them can be helped to learn to express their anger and frustration in non violent ways. Most of those that cannot are almost ALWAYS in some sort of group home or under the care of a responsible adult and are under constant supervision. Just when you though you have heard it all......sometimes I think society is going to Hell in a hand basket and there is no hope whatsoever for redemption.
Please, if your on facebook, where I found this group, report them! Report any hate group you find. Show them that we will NOT tolerate this kind of fear mongering!
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=20379907381
intolerance = ingnorance
They claim not to be a hate group but that is what they are spreading....hate, intolerance, and fear. I cannot begin to explain the feelings that are running through me at the discovery that this group exists...revulsion,anger, incredulity,shock.......
Who in their right mind would even think for a NANOSECOND that spreading this kids of BS was acceptable? It rates right up there with every other hate group out there, Skin heads, gay bashers, Neo Nazis, the KKK...none of them have the right to target a specific group of people and treat them like dirt. Not every gay person is out to infect the world with AIDS or their "gayness" . Not every African-American, Asian, or Hispanic person is out to take over our country, steal our jobs, or what have ya. (I have heard some really stupid things). And guess what? NOT EVERY AUTISTIC MALE IS GOING TO RAPE A WOMAN JUST BECAUSE SHE SAYS NO!
Yes, SOME autistic persons can be violent but not ALL of them are. Some of them can be helped to learn to express their anger and frustration in non violent ways. Most of those that cannot are almost ALWAYS in some sort of group home or under the care of a responsible adult and are under constant supervision. Just when you though you have heard it all......sometimes I think society is going to Hell in a hand basket and there is no hope whatsoever for redemption.
Please, if your on facebook, where I found this group, report them! Report any hate group you find. Show them that we will NOT tolerate this kind of fear mongering!
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=20379907381
intolerance = ingnorance
Nov 21, 2008
Don't let this happen to you!
Two years ago, my mom bought my oldest son, Michael, a $50 gift card to Sam Goodies for Christmas. A week after he went to the store to use it and the store was empty. Not only did they sell my mother a gift card, knowing that that location would be closing, they also did not inform their employees before hand. Instead they just told them all to go home as they no longer had a job as they showed up for work. My son had to use his gift card on line and he was charged $5 for using it over the Internet instead of going to a physical store. If he had gone to a actual store, he wouldn't have been charged!
Stores that are planning to close after Christmas are still selling the cards through the holidays even though the cards will be worthless January 1. There is no law preventing them from doing this. On the contrary, it is referred to as 'Bankruptcy Planning. Below is a partial list of stores that you need to be cautious about.
Circuit City (filed Chapter 11)
Ann Taylor- 117 stores nationwide closing
Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug ,and Catherine's to close 150 stores nationwide
Eddie Bauer to close stores 27 stores and more after January
Cache will close all stores
Talbots closing down specialty stores
J. Jill closing all stores (owned by Talbots)
Pacific Sunwear (also owned by Talbots)
GAP closing 85 stores
Footlocker closing 140 stores mo re to close after January
Wickes Furniture closing down
Levitz closing down remaining stores
Bombay closing remaining stores
Zales closing down 82 stores and 105 after January
Whitehall closing all stores
Piercing Pagoda closing all stores
Disney closing 98 stores and will close more after January.
Home Depot closing 15 stores 1 in NJ ( New Brunswick )
Macys to close 9 stores after January
Linens and Things closing all stores
Movie Galley Closing all stores
Pep Boys Closing 33 stores
Sprint/Nextel closing 133 stores
JC Penney closing a number of stores after January
Ethan Allen closing down 12 stores.
Wilson Leather closing down all stores
Sharper Image closing down all stores
K B Toys closing 356 stores
Lowes to close down some stores
Dillard's to close some stores
Stores that are planning to close after Christmas are still selling the cards through the holidays even though the cards will be worthless January 1. There is no law preventing them from doing this. On the contrary, it is referred to as 'Bankruptcy Planning. Below is a partial list of stores that you need to be cautious about.
Circuit City (filed Chapter 11)
Ann Taylor- 117 stores nationwide closing
Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug ,and Catherine's to close 150 stores nationwide
Eddie Bauer to close stores 27 stores and more after January
Cache will close all stores
Talbots closing down specialty stores
J. Jill closing all stores (owned by Talbots)
Pacific Sunwear (also owned by Talbots)
GAP closing 85 stores
Footlocker closing 140 stores mo re to close after January
Wickes Furniture closing down
Levitz closing down remaining stores
Bombay closing remaining stores
Zales closing down 82 stores and 105 after January
Whitehall closing all stores
Piercing Pagoda closing all stores
Disney closing 98 stores and will close more after January.
Home Depot closing 15 stores 1 in NJ ( New Brunswick )
Macys to close 9 stores after January
Linens and Things closing all stores
Movie Galley Closing all stores
Pep Boys Closing 33 stores
Sprint/Nextel closing 133 stores
JC Penney closing a number of stores after January
Ethan Allen closing down 12 stores.
Wilson Leather closing down all stores
Sharper Image closing down all stores
K B Toys closing 356 stores
Lowes to close down some stores
Dillard's to close some stores
Nov 9, 2008
Tis the season to be jolly....
Let me start off by saying that Christmas, by far is my favorite holiday. The is no other time of year than can hold a candle to it.
I love every aspect of this wonderful holiday season. The sights, smells, and sounds delight the senses.
Despite the bitter cold we experience where I live,I enjoy the crispness of the air, the crunch of freshly fallen snow underfoot, and the icicles glistening like diamonds in the morning sunlight.
Wood smoke wafts on the air, children laugh and screech as snowballs fly, snowmen are laboriously and lovingly built, and sleds race down hills.
Homes are filled with the smells of fresh pine, ginger bread, cookies, turkey or ham, and pumpkin pie.
Nothing compares to sitting in front of a toasty fire in your flannel jammies, sipping steaming mugs of hot cocoa topped with floating clouds of whipped cream or pillows of slowly melting marshmallows.
Lights and garland adorn the main street and it's shops that could rival Vegas. Thousands bundle up and stand in the frigid cold for the annual Holiday parade.
Street after street, houses are lit up a la National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.
Church bells ring, calling their parishioners to midnight services.
I love the exhilarating rush of fighting the crowds the find the "perfect" gift for each person on my list.
The excitement, joy, and fun of the season dampen my sorrows temporarily, filling me with a sense of peace and hope for a better tomorrow. Human kindness abounds, in all it's glory.
Best of all, who can possibly forget the music? From the canned music piped through department store speakers, to the beauty of watching The Nutcracker live on stage. I have never seen The Nutcracker performed and would love to experience that pleasure but there is actually ONE thing I would love to see even more so. My greatest Christmas wish ever is to see the Tans-Siberian Orchestra perform at Christmastime. The power and passion of their music and the dazzling light show that accompanies it speaks to my soul.
check this out, it is so cool!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkjX9pdhQU4&feature=related
Don't get me wrong, I love the traditional carols and hymns but being raised by a rock musician...welll......lets just say there is a reason why Metallica is one of my favorite groups.
Here's wishing all my readers a wonderful holiday season this year no matter what religion you practice may it bring you love, peace, joy, and warm moments with good friends and family.
stop by sometime and I'll have a a nice steaming cup of cocoa waiting just for you!
I love every aspect of this wonderful holiday season. The sights, smells, and sounds delight the senses.
Despite the bitter cold we experience where I live,I enjoy the crispness of the air, the crunch of freshly fallen snow underfoot, and the icicles glistening like diamonds in the morning sunlight.
Wood smoke wafts on the air, children laugh and screech as snowballs fly, snowmen are laboriously and lovingly built, and sleds race down hills.
Homes are filled with the smells of fresh pine, ginger bread, cookies, turkey or ham, and pumpkin pie.
Nothing compares to sitting in front of a toasty fire in your flannel jammies, sipping steaming mugs of hot cocoa topped with floating clouds of whipped cream or pillows of slowly melting marshmallows.
Lights and garland adorn the main street and it's shops that could rival Vegas. Thousands bundle up and stand in the frigid cold for the annual Holiday parade.
Street after street, houses are lit up a la National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.
Church bells ring, calling their parishioners to midnight services.
I love the exhilarating rush of fighting the crowds the find the "perfect" gift for each person on my list.
The excitement, joy, and fun of the season dampen my sorrows temporarily, filling me with a sense of peace and hope for a better tomorrow. Human kindness abounds, in all it's glory.
Best of all, who can possibly forget the music? From the canned music piped through department store speakers, to the beauty of watching The Nutcracker live on stage. I have never seen The Nutcracker performed and would love to experience that pleasure but there is actually ONE thing I would love to see even more so. My greatest Christmas wish ever is to see the Tans-Siberian Orchestra perform at Christmastime. The power and passion of their music and the dazzling light show that accompanies it speaks to my soul.
check this out, it is so cool!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkjX9pdhQU4&feature=related
Don't get me wrong, I love the traditional carols and hymns but being raised by a rock musician...welll......lets just say there is a reason why Metallica is one of my favorite groups.
Here's wishing all my readers a wonderful holiday season this year no matter what religion you practice may it bring you love, peace, joy, and warm moments with good friends and family.
stop by sometime and I'll have a a nice steaming cup of cocoa waiting just for you!
Nov 8, 2008
See ya later alligator
When you go into the health care field, one of the first thing you are told is "Don't become attached". It is also the most impossible advise to follow. Anyone who is in the health care feild will most likely agree that there is no way you can avoid becoming attached to certain patients. There is always someone who weaves their way into your heart and sets in permanent roots that blossom into an overwhelming love for them. If you are that rare type of person who can avoid becoming attached, then most likely, you are not working in the health care field at all. Your typical health care worker is the type that love people and helping then in any way possible.
I work in a nursing home and yes, there are patients I have become attached to. I know that they are not going to be around much longer. I care about them all and have lost some that I have liked alot. While I find all the residents at the nursing home special, Lester was beyond special to me. I never knew him before he came to us. He could not walk, and said very few words with great difficulty, most days he could not speak at all. When he could speak, it was always jsut one word repeated 3 or 4 times. He could not feed himself or care for himself in anyway. Yet he found his way into my heart and put down those roots. Every time I spoke to him his eyes would light up and he would give me a big face splitting lopsided grin. He would grab my hand and laugh when I spoke to him.
I always ended my conversations with him with "see you later alligator". It was my special thing for him and nobody else. He always responded with a huge smile and a laugh, sometime he would even manage to say "awhile, awhile, awhile". Every time he did, it made my heart soar. It was wonderful knowing that despite all his limitations, he knew I was there and understood what I was saying. He was just one of those special people you can help but love with all your being.
On Wednesday, I left work with a heavy heart. Although he was doing well, and was not sick or visibly failing, I just "knew" that when I returned to work on Friday that my "buddy" Lester would no longer be there. I wouldn't see that silly grin, hear the bubbling laugh, or hold his hand ever again. I don't know how I knew, I just did. I wanted to be wrong, how desperately I wanted to be wrong, but I wasn't.
On Thursday (my day off) , The world lost a very special person and God received a very special angel. I returned to work Friday evening to find the spot in the hall where he sat empty, and a new man sleeping in his bed. I was not surprised but my heart broke just the same. Silent tears coursed down my face on and off through the night as I worked. I tried to hide my grief from others but they noticed that I was not as 'peppy" as I usually am at work. I did my work with a lot less enthusiasm and it showed.
Please pray for Lester's wife and childen for thier loss. Send them good thoughts and strength to get through their pain and sadness.
and to Lester, my good buddy:
"See ya later alligator"
I work in a nursing home and yes, there are patients I have become attached to. I know that they are not going to be around much longer. I care about them all and have lost some that I have liked alot. While I find all the residents at the nursing home special, Lester was beyond special to me. I never knew him before he came to us. He could not walk, and said very few words with great difficulty, most days he could not speak at all. When he could speak, it was always jsut one word repeated 3 or 4 times. He could not feed himself or care for himself in anyway. Yet he found his way into my heart and put down those roots. Every time I spoke to him his eyes would light up and he would give me a big face splitting lopsided grin. He would grab my hand and laugh when I spoke to him.
I always ended my conversations with him with "see you later alligator". It was my special thing for him and nobody else. He always responded with a huge smile and a laugh, sometime he would even manage to say "awhile, awhile, awhile". Every time he did, it made my heart soar. It was wonderful knowing that despite all his limitations, he knew I was there and understood what I was saying. He was just one of those special people you can help but love with all your being.
On Wednesday, I left work with a heavy heart. Although he was doing well, and was not sick or visibly failing, I just "knew" that when I returned to work on Friday that my "buddy" Lester would no longer be there. I wouldn't see that silly grin, hear the bubbling laugh, or hold his hand ever again. I don't know how I knew, I just did. I wanted to be wrong, how desperately I wanted to be wrong, but I wasn't.
On Thursday (my day off) , The world lost a very special person and God received a very special angel. I returned to work Friday evening to find the spot in the hall where he sat empty, and a new man sleeping in his bed. I was not surprised but my heart broke just the same. Silent tears coursed down my face on and off through the night as I worked. I tried to hide my grief from others but they noticed that I was not as 'peppy" as I usually am at work. I did my work with a lot less enthusiasm and it showed.
Please pray for Lester's wife and childen for thier loss. Send them good thoughts and strength to get through their pain and sadness.
and to Lester, my good buddy:
"See ya later alligator"
Oct 29, 2008
great way to get rid of unwanted CDS/blu rays/dvds etc.
I was searching freecycle today for a winter jacket for my son and came across this site. I don't know about you but I do have quite a few scratched CDs that I have just tossed into a drawer and not gotten rid of because I want to remember what ones need to be replaced. As soon as I can replace them I am so doing this!
http://www.cdrecyclingcenter.com/pages/suggested_programs#individual
http://www.cdrecyclingcenter.com/pages/suggested_programs#individual
Oct 23, 2008
great idea!
PUT YOUR CAR KEYS BESIDE YOUR BED AT NIGHT Tell your spouse, your children, your neighbors, your parents, your Dr.'s Office, the check out girl at the market, everyone you run across. Put your car keys beside your bed at night. If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies. This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator. Next time you come home for the night and you start to put your keys away, think of this: It's a security alarm system that you probably already have and requires no installation. Test it. It will go off from most everywhere inside your house and will keep honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key fob chain. It works if you park in your driveway or garage. If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break in your house, odds are the burglar/rapist won't stick around... After a few seconds all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the criminal won't want that! And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there. This is something that should rea lly be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or prevent a sexual assault.
A friend's Mom has suggested to her Dad that he carry his car keys with him in case he falls outside and she doesn't hear him. He can activate the car alarm and then she'll know there's a problem.
A friend's Mom has suggested to her Dad that he carry his car keys with him in case he falls outside and she doesn't hear him. He can activate the car alarm and then she'll know there's a problem.
Oct 17, 2008
I understand "Special needs" my ass slightly edited to shorten journal length
It has been quite a while since I posted.. have been busy trying to get my financial situation straightened out and just have not felt up to it. A friend of mine recently posted a blog on another site I wanted to share:
I have 3 beautiful, wonderful, intelligent children. My kids surprise me everyday with what they know. They surprise me everyday with the questions they ask. My children are my world and I will do everything in my power to protect them.
I have a 2 year old who is learning her way in this world.
I have a 7 year old. He is my mischief maker. He is also my little helper! He helps me clean up the house when I ask him to.
I also have an 8 year old. He is my geography and mathematics whiz!
He loves maps and math.
I want to protect my children and still empower them to achieve their dreams. I want them to succeed in this world. But I want to keep them from harm.
I do not see this same attitude from everyone. I see people who use their children. In this case, I am referring to those who use their children for political gain.
Now, honestly, I do not care who you are voting for, that is not the issue here. The issue here is that children should not be used for political/personal gain. Yet there is one ticket who insists on using the candidate's children to gain votes.
I am sorry John McCain. You do not understand special needs children. Just because your running mate has a child with Down's Syndrome does not make you the authority on children with special needs. As a matter of fact, in last night's debate you mentioned Sarah Palin and autism as if that is what her child has. Her child has Down's Syndrome. Down's and Autism are completely different. They are not interchangeable.
John McCain, you do not understand the daily life of the lower to middle class family who has a child with special needs. You do not understand what these parents have to do. You do not understand the fight these parents have for their children. You do not understand the waiting involved for these parents. You do not understand the uncertainty. You do not understand the heartache.
To use a child with special needs to advance your own ticket is despicable. This election is not about the children of the candidates. This election is about the war in Iraq, the economy, this country's dependence on foreign oil... THAT is what this campaign is about. It is not about the children of these candidates.
John McCain, you are using your running mate's child for your own political/personal gain. So is your running mate for that matter.
Using the special needs child of one of the candidates is a low blow and it is insulting to all parents who do have a special needs child.
Let me tell you my story:
My oldest child. He is 8 and the most intelligent 8 year old I have met to this date. But right now we are waiting. What are we waiting for? We are waiting for a new pediatrician. His previous pediatrician has forwarded him on, referred him to a behavioral and developmental pediatrician. We have been waiting for about a month and a half now. We finally heard from the new pediatrician. We have filled out another form. We are waiting for the phone call that may bring life back to my son... that he has been accepted into the practice, his first visit with the new doctor, an official diagnosis, and treatment.
See, my son has a few problems. He cannot interact with other children very well. He is teased and made fun of by his teammates in soccer (called a retard and stupid and dumb and an idiot). He spends hours screaming and crying because his teammates do not like him. It takes forever to calm him down. He does not cope well with changes in our daily routine. Everything has to be planned out to the last minute. Any deviation from our routine sets my son to walking into walls, flapping his hands in the air and kicking his feet. My son hums. He hums all day long. It is never-ending, except when his is "in his head." When he is "making movies" in his head, he makes sound effects. He is never quiet except for when he is sleeping. Oh, I take that back, he hums and talks in his sleep too.
Do not try to take the Atlas away from my son. He has even slept with it. That atlas was great for helping him learn about geography but it doesn't help with his science lessons. Try walking through the grocery store, a 2 year old in the cart, a 7 year old talking incessantly, and an 8 year old being a cat (literally crawling on the floor). Uh oh! Where is Stripey? (That's my son's Webkinz cat, he goes everywhere with us). Oh, there he is. Whew, we evaded the meltdown in the middle of the grocery store. There he goes again, with his shoes. They are the same, they don't feel right, one is tighter than the other, they have to be the same tightness. I cannot whistle, no one in the house can whistle without my 8 year old crying and rocking and covering his ears.
I could go on all day long... over and over and over. So many different things, and it seems like there is a new one every other day.
We do not have the resources available to us that those with money have. We have to wait. We do not have an official diagnosis yet. We are still waiting. His first pediatrician thinks he has an Autism Spectrum Disorder. She believes my son has Asperger's, with a sensory processing disorder thrown in, just for added fun.
John McCain, I dare you to do what I do on a daily basis. Please, come to my house and home school my 8 year old. You get him to pay attention and listen. You get him to do his schoolwork (and do it in less than 6 hours). You calm him down when he has had his self-esteem thrown in the toilet by mean children on his soccer team. You come and spend a day in my shoes. Then you will know what a day in the life of a parent of a special needs child is REALLY like. But please, if you do come here, make sure to keep your socks and shoes on, my son really doesn't like the sight of feet. Make it easier on yourself so you don't have to calm the screaming, crying, thrashing child. Come on over and spend the day with my child (with supervision very close by, we know how your temper is). Come on by and do what I do in a day... I bet you will crack in less than an hour.
Please, come and live in my shoes for a day. Or any other parent with a child on the Autism Spectrum. THEN you can talk about autism as you have experienced it. But do not keep using your running mate's child to score political points. It is insulting to those of us with special needs children. You are not scoring points with me.
I completely agree with her, not just about autism, but about any special need a child may have. Yes, it is tragic that Palin has a child with DS but guess what, a million other mom's out there have special needs children too, some have more than one. Who the hell does McCain think he is kidding? Seriously? Not me that's for sure. Sarah Palin has the means to make sure her child receives every need he will have to make his life easier. She will not know the frustration of waiting for funding for the therapies and adaptive equipment that her child will need. It took me an entire year to finally get a weighted blanket for my son who has special needs, that blanket cost $200 and he will need new ones that will increase in cost throughout the years as he grows.
I think it is reprehensible to use a child's disabilities to further your campaign. And to be honest, I think it is BS when people make such a big fuss over celebrities that have special needs children. Maybe I am just being ornery but just because someone has a lot of money does not mean that their situation is any more tragic then that of the parent of lower income who has a child with disabilities. It is a terrible thing to happen to ANY family rich or poor!
I have 3 beautiful, wonderful, intelligent children. My kids surprise me everyday with what they know. They surprise me everyday with the questions they ask. My children are my world and I will do everything in my power to protect them.
I have a 2 year old who is learning her way in this world.
I have a 7 year old. He is my mischief maker. He is also my little helper! He helps me clean up the house when I ask him to.
I also have an 8 year old. He is my geography and mathematics whiz!
He loves maps and math.
I want to protect my children and still empower them to achieve their dreams. I want them to succeed in this world. But I want to keep them from harm.
I do not see this same attitude from everyone. I see people who use their children. In this case, I am referring to those who use their children for political gain.
Now, honestly, I do not care who you are voting for, that is not the issue here. The issue here is that children should not be used for political/personal gain. Yet there is one ticket who insists on using the candidate's children to gain votes.
I am sorry John McCain. You do not understand special needs children. Just because your running mate has a child with Down's Syndrome does not make you the authority on children with special needs. As a matter of fact, in last night's debate you mentioned Sarah Palin and autism as if that is what her child has. Her child has Down's Syndrome. Down's and Autism are completely different. They are not interchangeable.
John McCain, you do not understand the daily life of the lower to middle class family who has a child with special needs. You do not understand what these parents have to do. You do not understand the fight these parents have for their children. You do not understand the waiting involved for these parents. You do not understand the uncertainty. You do not understand the heartache.
To use a child with special needs to advance your own ticket is despicable. This election is not about the children of the candidates. This election is about the war in Iraq, the economy, this country's dependence on foreign oil... THAT is what this campaign is about. It is not about the children of these candidates.
John McCain, you are using your running mate's child for your own political/personal gain. So is your running mate for that matter.
Using the special needs child of one of the candidates is a low blow and it is insulting to all parents who do have a special needs child.
Let me tell you my story:
My oldest child. He is 8 and the most intelligent 8 year old I have met to this date. But right now we are waiting. What are we waiting for? We are waiting for a new pediatrician. His previous pediatrician has forwarded him on, referred him to a behavioral and developmental pediatrician. We have been waiting for about a month and a half now. We finally heard from the new pediatrician. We have filled out another form. We are waiting for the phone call that may bring life back to my son... that he has been accepted into the practice, his first visit with the new doctor, an official diagnosis, and treatment.
See, my son has a few problems. He cannot interact with other children very well. He is teased and made fun of by his teammates in soccer (called a retard and stupid and dumb and an idiot). He spends hours screaming and crying because his teammates do not like him. It takes forever to calm him down. He does not cope well with changes in our daily routine. Everything has to be planned out to the last minute. Any deviation from our routine sets my son to walking into walls, flapping his hands in the air and kicking his feet. My son hums. He hums all day long. It is never-ending, except when his is "in his head." When he is "making movies" in his head, he makes sound effects. He is never quiet except for when he is sleeping. Oh, I take that back, he hums and talks in his sleep too.
Do not try to take the Atlas away from my son. He has even slept with it. That atlas was great for helping him learn about geography but it doesn't help with his science lessons. Try walking through the grocery store, a 2 year old in the cart, a 7 year old talking incessantly, and an 8 year old being a cat (literally crawling on the floor). Uh oh! Where is Stripey? (That's my son's Webkinz cat, he goes everywhere with us). Oh, there he is. Whew, we evaded the meltdown in the middle of the grocery store. There he goes again, with his shoes. They are the same, they don't feel right, one is tighter than the other, they have to be the same tightness. I cannot whistle, no one in the house can whistle without my 8 year old crying and rocking and covering his ears.
I could go on all day long... over and over and over. So many different things, and it seems like there is a new one every other day.
We do not have the resources available to us that those with money have. We have to wait. We do not have an official diagnosis yet. We are still waiting. His first pediatrician thinks he has an Autism Spectrum Disorder. She believes my son has Asperger's, with a sensory processing disorder thrown in, just for added fun.
John McCain, I dare you to do what I do on a daily basis. Please, come to my house and home school my 8 year old. You get him to pay attention and listen. You get him to do his schoolwork (and do it in less than 6 hours). You calm him down when he has had his self-esteem thrown in the toilet by mean children on his soccer team. You come and spend a day in my shoes. Then you will know what a day in the life of a parent of a special needs child is REALLY like. But please, if you do come here, make sure to keep your socks and shoes on, my son really doesn't like the sight of feet. Make it easier on yourself so you don't have to calm the screaming, crying, thrashing child. Come on over and spend the day with my child (with supervision very close by, we know how your temper is). Come on by and do what I do in a day... I bet you will crack in less than an hour.
Please, come and live in my shoes for a day. Or any other parent with a child on the Autism Spectrum. THEN you can talk about autism as you have experienced it. But do not keep using your running mate's child to score political points. It is insulting to those of us with special needs children. You are not scoring points with me.
I completely agree with her, not just about autism, but about any special need a child may have. Yes, it is tragic that Palin has a child with DS but guess what, a million other mom's out there have special needs children too, some have more than one. Who the hell does McCain think he is kidding? Seriously? Not me that's for sure. Sarah Palin has the means to make sure her child receives every need he will have to make his life easier. She will not know the frustration of waiting for funding for the therapies and adaptive equipment that her child will need. It took me an entire year to finally get a weighted blanket for my son who has special needs, that blanket cost $200 and he will need new ones that will increase in cost throughout the years as he grows.
I think it is reprehensible to use a child's disabilities to further your campaign. And to be honest, I think it is BS when people make such a big fuss over celebrities that have special needs children. Maybe I am just being ornery but just because someone has a lot of money does not mean that their situation is any more tragic then that of the parent of lower income who has a child with disabilities. It is a terrible thing to happen to ANY family rich or poor!
Sep 21, 2008
Remembering my "dad"
The man I called "dad" was not actually my biological father. He came into my life when I was 4 years old. We were living in the housing projects at the time. My mom and he had been dating for a while and one night a man broke into our apartment and beat the shit out of my my in the middle of the night. My mother did not know the man, he was drunk and high and actually intended to break into the apartment next door to ours. The next day my "dad" moved in with us. Thus began a life that was not great but did have a couple good times. I remember being afraid of him at first. He was big and hairy. He was a rocker and played in a local band that was quite popular. I still think that band could have gone far if the manager hadn't tried to screw over the band members by trying to sign over all their instruments and tried to get them all to switch from playing hard rock/heavy metal to music like Huey Lewis. My dad quit when that happened and the group disbanded. For many years I remember going to my dad's band practices and when I was about 10 or so he started taking me to the high schools he played at on occasion and I loved it.
Life was pretty good for the most part untill I was 8 years old and my sisters were born. There were a few instances before hand that told me that things weren't all roses and sunshine but for the most part he was mostly indifferent to me. I distinctly remember one incedent that occured pre-sisters that highly upset me. I was sitting on the floor watching TV when he accused me of farting and not excusing myself. I knew that I did not fart and I told him that I did not, he got angry and slapped my face and sent me to my room.
After my sister's were born things started to go sour. there were so many incedents of him verbaly abusing me I couldn't even begin to relate them all. I remember hearing for years from him that I was stupid, that I couldn't do anything right, I was a failure, and that no one could possibly ever love me. Those are the scars that run deepest. My mother's silence when he said these things to me just reinforced those statements in my mind. The physical abuse was infrequent but it was there. Three incidents stand out in my mind the most....
One day when I was about 10, I was sitting on the couch getting ready for school and he came downstairs to get his shoes on for work. The whole rest of the couch was empty but he chose to kick me very hard in the shin and screamed at me to move out of his way. That was one of only 2 times in my life that my passive mother actually spoke up for me and told him to never do that to me again.
When I was 12, my little sisters were upset with me because I would not allow them to come in my room with my friends and I, they were 4 at the time. My sisters went downstairs and told my father that I had slapped them and he sent my friend home. Again I was innocent of that which I was accused and stated so, so he made all 3 of us stand in the corner until someone confessed to lying. I could tell he was getting angrier by the minute and after 45 minutes i "confessed" just to get us all out of the corner. My dad threw me against a wall and kicked me in the ribs several times when I fell to the floor. Thankfully nothing was broken to my knowledge but I hurt for about a week after that.
Incident three happened when I was 15. We had finally moved out of the housing projects and into a home of our own. I had been talking on the phone with a friend and during the conversation I unconsciously tore apart a sheet of contact cold pills. I did not take the pills out of the little bubbles, just mearly separated all the foil squares containing the bubbles of pills. I did not recall doing it. When he asked who did this I admitted that I may have done in unconsciously while on the phone and he made me show him I I could have possibly done it without knowing. Of course knowing that I had to perform the same act over again, I was more deliberate in my actions and actually thought through the process. He did not believe I did it without knowing I was doing it and slapped me hard enough across the face that my glasses came off, flew to the other side of the room, and broke. That was the second and last time my mother stood up for me when I lived with them.
There were times he was good to me, though they were far and few between. When I was in 6th grade a teacher grabbed my by the back of the neck and shoved me. I told my parents what happened and my dad drove to the teacher's home that evening and tore him a new asshole for putting his hands on me. I remember thinking at the time "why would he do that when he does the same kind of thing to me?"
Another time was when I was 14. I was at a local pet shop that had a small game room in the back. I had stopped there on my way home from a doctors appointment to play a couple of games. The clerk working the store came into the room, came up behind me, and unhooked my bra and tried to feel my breasts. I elbowed him in the stomach and ran out the back door to my home. After hearing what had occured my mom and dad went to the pet store and my dad threatened the clerks life in front of his employer. The clerk was promptly fired and moved out of town. This happened a mere 4 weeks after I spent the night at my best friend's house and woke up to find her father attempting to put his penis in my mouth. My parents never did anything about that and I couldn't figure out why they did something about the pet store guy and not my friends dad. I still can't understand that.
I "ran" away from home when I was 17 and in my senior year of high school after a particular abusive barrage of garbage coming from my father's mouth. I packed a duffel bag in the middle of the night and walked out, I could not longer take the emotional pain being inflicted on me on almost a daily basis and moved in with my grandparents. Neither my mom or dad tried to stop me from leaving and although I couldn't take living at home for one more day, it hurt that I was not loved enough for either of them to try and stop me from going.
did not go back to my parents house for over a year after graduating high school. In my own way I guess I was still trying to please my dad by following in his footsteps after HS and joining the Marines. (yes, I wore combat boots LOL) I didn't even make it through boot camp, my hearing was bad and I was sent home.
After I had my first child my relationship got a bit better with my dad in some ways. He no longer constantly put me down but I could still see huge differences in the way my sisters (his bio children) and I were treated. They were given everything I had wanted while growing up. Praise, affection, love, and material items that I had always wanted at their ages through the years.
Neither of my parents once ever told me that they were proud of me or that I had done a good job at something. The closest to anything nice coming out of my dad's mouth to me was said when I was 16 and upset over my first boyfriend breaking up with me. he said " Don't worry about it, your not pretty but your cute. Some guys like cute". I believe he thought he was helping but it was another heavy blow to my already fragile sense of self worth and esteem.
Despite the crappy life, I loved my dad with all my heart. He was the only dad I ever knew. He died 7 years ago this December of a stroke at age 53. I have never met my biological father and while growing up i thought that all dad's were like mine.
Today while surfing you tube I came across some videos of people playing guitar hero. My son Andrew loves these videos because he likes the way the icons light up so he and I watched several. Thus prompting a stroll down memory lane for me. While watching the videos, a thought came across my mind. My dad would have been so good at that game, he would have loved playing it and I would have enjoyed watching him. Despite the shitty emotional life I lived growing up, I still miss him.
Life was pretty good for the most part untill I was 8 years old and my sisters were born. There were a few instances before hand that told me that things weren't all roses and sunshine but for the most part he was mostly indifferent to me. I distinctly remember one incedent that occured pre-sisters that highly upset me. I was sitting on the floor watching TV when he accused me of farting and not excusing myself. I knew that I did not fart and I told him that I did not, he got angry and slapped my face and sent me to my room.
After my sister's were born things started to go sour. there were so many incedents of him verbaly abusing me I couldn't even begin to relate them all. I remember hearing for years from him that I was stupid, that I couldn't do anything right, I was a failure, and that no one could possibly ever love me. Those are the scars that run deepest. My mother's silence when he said these things to me just reinforced those statements in my mind. The physical abuse was infrequent but it was there. Three incidents stand out in my mind the most....
One day when I was about 10, I was sitting on the couch getting ready for school and he came downstairs to get his shoes on for work. The whole rest of the couch was empty but he chose to kick me very hard in the shin and screamed at me to move out of his way. That was one of only 2 times in my life that my passive mother actually spoke up for me and told him to never do that to me again.
When I was 12, my little sisters were upset with me because I would not allow them to come in my room with my friends and I, they were 4 at the time. My sisters went downstairs and told my father that I had slapped them and he sent my friend home. Again I was innocent of that which I was accused and stated so, so he made all 3 of us stand in the corner until someone confessed to lying. I could tell he was getting angrier by the minute and after 45 minutes i "confessed" just to get us all out of the corner. My dad threw me against a wall and kicked me in the ribs several times when I fell to the floor. Thankfully nothing was broken to my knowledge but I hurt for about a week after that.
Incident three happened when I was 15. We had finally moved out of the housing projects and into a home of our own. I had been talking on the phone with a friend and during the conversation I unconsciously tore apart a sheet of contact cold pills. I did not take the pills out of the little bubbles, just mearly separated all the foil squares containing the bubbles of pills. I did not recall doing it. When he asked who did this I admitted that I may have done in unconsciously while on the phone and he made me show him I I could have possibly done it without knowing. Of course knowing that I had to perform the same act over again, I was more deliberate in my actions and actually thought through the process. He did not believe I did it without knowing I was doing it and slapped me hard enough across the face that my glasses came off, flew to the other side of the room, and broke. That was the second and last time my mother stood up for me when I lived with them.
There were times he was good to me, though they were far and few between. When I was in 6th grade a teacher grabbed my by the back of the neck and shoved me. I told my parents what happened and my dad drove to the teacher's home that evening and tore him a new asshole for putting his hands on me. I remember thinking at the time "why would he do that when he does the same kind of thing to me?"
Another time was when I was 14. I was at a local pet shop that had a small game room in the back. I had stopped there on my way home from a doctors appointment to play a couple of games. The clerk working the store came into the room, came up behind me, and unhooked my bra and tried to feel my breasts. I elbowed him in the stomach and ran out the back door to my home. After hearing what had occured my mom and dad went to the pet store and my dad threatened the clerks life in front of his employer. The clerk was promptly fired and moved out of town. This happened a mere 4 weeks after I spent the night at my best friend's house and woke up to find her father attempting to put his penis in my mouth. My parents never did anything about that and I couldn't figure out why they did something about the pet store guy and not my friends dad. I still can't understand that.
I "ran" away from home when I was 17 and in my senior year of high school after a particular abusive barrage of garbage coming from my father's mouth. I packed a duffel bag in the middle of the night and walked out, I could not longer take the emotional pain being inflicted on me on almost a daily basis and moved in with my grandparents. Neither my mom or dad tried to stop me from leaving and although I couldn't take living at home for one more day, it hurt that I was not loved enough for either of them to try and stop me from going.
did not go back to my parents house for over a year after graduating high school. In my own way I guess I was still trying to please my dad by following in his footsteps after HS and joining the Marines. (yes, I wore combat boots LOL) I didn't even make it through boot camp, my hearing was bad and I was sent home.
After I had my first child my relationship got a bit better with my dad in some ways. He no longer constantly put me down but I could still see huge differences in the way my sisters (his bio children) and I were treated. They were given everything I had wanted while growing up. Praise, affection, love, and material items that I had always wanted at their ages through the years.
Neither of my parents once ever told me that they were proud of me or that I had done a good job at something. The closest to anything nice coming out of my dad's mouth to me was said when I was 16 and upset over my first boyfriend breaking up with me. he said " Don't worry about it, your not pretty but your cute. Some guys like cute". I believe he thought he was helping but it was another heavy blow to my already fragile sense of self worth and esteem.
Despite the crappy life, I loved my dad with all my heart. He was the only dad I ever knew. He died 7 years ago this December of a stroke at age 53. I have never met my biological father and while growing up i thought that all dad's were like mine.
Today while surfing you tube I came across some videos of people playing guitar hero. My son Andrew loves these videos because he likes the way the icons light up so he and I watched several. Thus prompting a stroll down memory lane for me. While watching the videos, a thought came across my mind. My dad would have been so good at that game, he would have loved playing it and I would have enjoyed watching him. Despite the shitty emotional life I lived growing up, I still miss him.
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